Insights

Dr. Bruce Perry, Principal of the Neurosequential Network, is a pioneer in understanding the impact that chronic stress and trauma have on brain development and behavior (Perry & Pollard, 1998). He has written three books, The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, Born for Love, and What Happened to You, that provide insight into the neurodevelopmental impact of trauma and what makes for trauma-informed care.

Dr. Perry’s work has been especially impactful by making complicated concepts more accessible. He helps us understand that the brain develops and organizes itself in a predictable, hierarchical sequence, starting with lower brain functions that allow us to regulate our state of arousal and moving to more complex functions like thinking skills. He teaches a simple rubric to help us remember this sequence: Regulate, Relate, Reason. We humans must be regulated or calm enough before we can relate to or appreciate another person’s perspective, before we can then use our reasoning skills.

Dr. Perry is careful to clarify that his Neurosequential Model, like any model, is an overly simplistic representation of the unendingly complex set of structures and processes that are found and occur in our brain. But conceptually, the sequence of “regulate, relate, reason” is crucial to remember. Parents, educators, and clinicians can all attest to the fact that no child will be able to take someone else’s perspective into account or reason with them if they are dysregulated.

Thus, if adults hope to access the “smart” part of a child’s brain–their prefrontal cortex–they need to start lower down in the brain first. By regulating a child first, adults can then see if the child is able to appreciate another perspective before ultimately hoping to access the child’s higher-order thinking skills so that they can reason.

One of the reasons the Collaborative Problem Solving^® approach pairs so well with Dr. Perry’s Neurosequential Model is that our problem-solving process turns these concepts into concrete actions when talking to kids–or anyone else, for that matter (Perry & Ablon, 2018). The three ingredients of the Collaborative Problem Solving process provide a clear guide to adhere to the sequence of “regulate, relate, reason.” If one follows the ingredients in the right order, it ensures we respect the neurobiological sequence with which our brains process information.

REGULATE with Empathy:

The first ingredient of the Collaborative Problem Solving process is when you use empathy and curiosity to work hard to understand the child’s perspective, point of view, or concern. Empathy–being understood and listened to–is regulating.

RELATE by Sharing your perspective and asking the child to consider it:

The second ingredient in Collaborative Problem Solving is when you share your perspective or concern. We teach adults to only do that once they have first regulated the child by understanding where they are coming from. If the child becomes dysregulated and gets upset or shuts down when the adult shares their concern, more regulation is needed before the child will be ready to relate to someone else’s point of view. In other words, adults should retreat back to the first ingredient to re-regulate the child before proceeding again to the second ingredient by asking the child to relate to their perspective.

1. Perry, B. D., & Pollard, R. (1998).
   "Homeostasis, stress, trauma, and adaptation: A neurodevelopmental view of childhood trauma." Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 7(1), 33–51.
2. "The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog" (2006, updated editions in 2017)
3. "Born for Love: Why Empathy Is Essential—and Endangered" (2010)
4. "What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing" (2021)
5. Perry BD, Ablon JS. CPS as a Neurodevelopmentally Sensitive and Trauma-Informed Approach. In: Pollastri A, Ablon J, Hone M, editors. Collaborative Problem Solving, Current Clinical Psychiatry. Springer Nature Switzerland AG, 2019.