Transcript

Collaborative Problem Solving^® is different than most approaches to working with kids with behavioral challenges in that it has a guiding philosophy attached to it. And the philosophy is a simple one. Kids do well if they can. And what that means is if a kid could do well, they would do well. And if they're not doing well, let's figure out what's standing in their way so we can help. Unfortunately, most people tend to adhere more to the philosophy of kids do well if they want to, which means if a kid isn't doing well, it must be because they don't want to. Our job is to try to make them want to, to motivate them to do better. We use 50 years of research in the neurosciences to help us understand what's getting in a kid's way. Because what we've learned over the years is that kids who struggle with their behavior, they actually don't lack the will to behave well. What they lack are the skills to behave well. Skills like flexibility, and frustration tolerance, and problem solving.

In Collaborative Problem Solving, we think of it much in the way you might think of a learning disability, except instead of areas like reading and math and writing. This is in areas like flexibility, frustration, tolerance, problem-solving. These kids are delayed in the development of those skills. Now, a long time ago, we used to think kids with learning disabilities were simply "lazy" or "dumb." Thank goodness we've come to a very different place in understanding kids with learning disabilities. However, we haven't made as much progress when it comes to kids with behavioral challenges. We still assume that they aren't trying hard to behave well when the truth of the matter is they're trying harder than anybody else because it doesn't come naturally to them. We've yet to meet a child that prefers doing poorly to doing well.

We believe kids do well if they can. We teach adults a practical assessment process that helps identify the specific skills that these kids struggle with and the situations in which they happen. Then we provide adults with three basic options for handling any of those situations. We call those our three plans. We call it Plan A. When you try to impose your will to make the child do what you want them to do, we call it Plan B. When you do Collaborative Problem Solving, and we call it Plan C, when you decide strategically to drop your expectation for now or solve the problem the way the child wants it solved. So we teach adults that they really only have these three options when it comes to handling any problem with a kid. Which one they choose depends on what they're trying to accomplish. Not surprisingly, we spend most of our time teaching adults how to do Plan B, collaborate with kids to solve problems in mutually satisfactory ways, not just to solve the problem and reduce challenging behavior, but to actually practice and build the skills that these kids lack.

Plan B has three ingredients to it. It seems simple, but don't confuse simple with easy. Those three ingredients are first and foremost, trying to understand the kid's perspective. The kid's concern, the kid's point of view about the problem to be solved. And only once we understand the child's concern can we move to the second ingredient of Plan B, where we put the adult's concern on the table, not our adult solution, but the adult concern on the table. And only once we have two sets of concerns on the table, the child's concern and the adult's concern, do we move to the third and final ingredient of Plan B. And that's where you invite the child to brainstorm potential solutions to the problem, which the two of you are going to test out together, aiming for one that is mutually satisfactory, doable, and realistic. And we teach adults lots of guideposts along the way to help facilitate that process. And once again, the goal of Plan B, not just reducing challenging behavior and solving the problem, but also helping the child and the adult to practice a whole host of skills related to flexibility, frustration, tolerance, and problem-solving. So in summary, Collaborative Problem Solving provides a guiding philosophy and then a corresponding set of assessment tools, a planning process, and a robust intervention that builds relationship, reduces challenging behavior, and builds skill. But let's remember that it all starts with the underlying philosophy that kids do well if they can. And this is about skill, not will.