Insights

The paper, “Integrating self-determination theory and collaborative problem solving to improve parent-child relationships: a theoretical perspective,” by Alisha Pollastri, Ph.D., and Jacquelyn Raftery-Helmer, explores how Self-Determination Theory helps explain why Collaborative Problem Solving supports autonomy, competence, and connection.

By Alisha Pollastri, Ph.D.

Jackie Raftery-Helmer is a long-time colleague of mine; since we met, she has studied parenting through the lens of Self-Determination Theory (SDT), one of the most influential theories of human motivation. When I was the Research Director at Think:Kids, my work focused on Collaborative Problem Solving® (CPS). Jackie and I soon realized that we were talking about many of the same ideas, but from different perspectives.

Jackie was approaching them from theory. I was approaching them from practice.

For decades, Self-Determination Theory has argued that people thrive when three basic psychological needs are met: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. People do best when they feel they have a voice, feel capable, and feel connected to others. The theory has generated extensive research and influenced thinking across education, parenting, healthcare, organizational psychology, and many other fields.

What always struck us, however, was that while SDT provided a powerful explanation of what people need, it offered less guidance on exactly how parents should respond to the real-world challenges that bring families into clinical care. It's one thing to tell parents that children benefit from autonomy support. It's another thing entirely to help a parent navigate a child who is refusing to go to school, exploding over homework, or becoming aggressive during everyday conflicts.

That's where Collaborative Problem Solving comes in.

Long before we began putting these thoughts into this academic article, we often discussed Collaborative Problem Solving as one of the few approaches that operationalized the principles of Self-Determination Theory. Collaborative Problem Solving doesn't simply endorse autonomy, competence, and relatedness as abstract goals. It gives adults a concrete process for supporting those needs during the very moments when relationships are under the greatest strain.

When adults use the Empathy step of Plan B to understand a child's concerns, they are supporting autonomy. They are communicating that the child's perspective matters and deserves consideration.

When adults help children identify problems, consider concerns, generate solutions, and think through consequences, they are building competence. They are helping children develop the skills needed to solve problems more effectively in the future.

And when adults stay engaged during conflict, working with children rather than against them, they are strengthening relatedness. They are demonstrating that difficult problems can be addressed without damaging the relationship.

To those of us who have spent years doing CPS, none of this feels particularly surprising. In many ways, it feels obvious.

What is exciting about our paper is not that it introduces a new idea. It's that it finally gives a formal theoretical framework to something many of us in the CPS community have intuitively understood for a long time. The paper bridges a rich body of motivational science with a practical intervention that families, educators, and clinicians use every day.

You might wonder, if we already have the CPS approach, why does having a relevant theoretical framework even matter?  Well, a practical approach doesn't need theory to be effective, but grounding it in theory helps us understand why it works, for whom it works best, and how it can be improved. Theory helps connect a specific intervention to a broader body of scientific knowledge, making it easier to refine the approach, adapt it to new settings, and generate new research questions. In the case of CPS, connecting the model to Self-Determination Theory places decades of practical experience within a well-established framework of human motivation, offering a clearer explanation for why collaboration, skill-building, and relationship-focused problem-solving can produce lasting behavioral change.

This connection also helps explain something that has always distinguished Collaborative Problem Solving from many traditional behavioral approaches. Much of the parenting field has historically focused on structure, consistency, rewards, and consequences. Those elements certainly matter. But Self-Determination Theory reminds us that people also need autonomy and connection. Collaborative Problem Solving has always placed those needs at the center of the work.

This paper brings together two intellectual traditions that have been running alongside one another for years. Self-Determination Theory helped us understand what children need to flourish. Collaborative Problem Solving gave us a practical way to help adults meet those needs in everyday life.

Sometimes theory informs practice. Sometimes practice informs theory. The most exciting moments happen when they finally meet.

Alisha Pollastri, Ph.D., is the former Director of Research at Think:Kids. She now holds that title at Youth Villages, a national youth and family service agency that aims to prevent children from spending unnecessary time in foster care.